L's Diary
by Future Dictator Inc
Summary: This is L' true thoughts about everything. It's mostly about L and the funny things that he does or says about people. So Read, Review, and enjoy! Warning! This fanfic. may contian swearing and hatin on certain Characters. So sorry to all fan girls/boys!
1. Chapter 1: L's succor

Jan. 2, 02

I am so bored!! This sucks; I had to work during New Years Eve and New Years Day. This sucks!! Near is being a pain in the ass too! He keeps going on and on how he is going to be my succor or whatever it is.

Near can kiss my dead butt! Because I won't die anytime soon! HA! In his face! However, I do hope Mello might be my succor or maybe even Matt.

Yeah, Matt. He's cool. So yep, life is boring. I sure do hope something big happens before I decide to do something stupid like I did last time in Brazil.

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe, XDD XP. Yep, I remember it; I went skydiving without a parachute. Lol. I landed on my butt XDDDDD

What will I do next? Lol.

Oooo! This is my song!!

*Starts singing*

The city is at a war

Playtime for the young and rich

Ignore me if you see me 'cause I just don't give a shit

The city is at war

Bless the young and rich

With designer drugs and designer friends

(Song is by Cobra Starship: City is at War)

Ok, this the end of my Diary entry.

L rocks and Near sucks!


	2. Chapter 2 : My Little Pony and Barbie

Jan. 3, 02

Ok, Near is so going to die soon. He took my COOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

No one takes my cookie!! I will get my revenge on him! I WILL!!!

MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!! *starts to coughing* Ahhh, sorry, hairball.

But anyway backed to more important matters like… like… I don't know. Hmmm…nothing to do, and no one is here. Hmmm…I could raid Near's room and do some evil things *Grins evily*

1 hr later…

Now Near has some surprises waiting for him when he gets back! And he will think Mello did it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Wow, sometimes I can be evil. =]

I enjoy this new evil me ^^

Maybe I will get me a kitty!! I nice evil lookin' kitty! Nah, I'm too lazy to do that. I'll eat it in the end (JK) XDDDD

Man, I am bored. Maybe I will put itchin' powder in Mello's underwear. That reminds me, do you know that Mello wears my little pony underwear! XDDDD

I so wish I could tape him singing to the my little pony's theme song, with the my little pony's underwear!! XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Or tape Near playing with Barbie dolls!! XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Oh wait, I already did!!!! XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Man, it rocks to be a adult! =]

What time is it?

COOL!!

It's time for me to watch Sailor Moon!!

YEESH!!

L, thinking of ruling the world with L Jr. (the kitty that I am to lazy to get.


	3. Chapter 3: THIS BRRRR IS PISSING ME OFF!

Jan. 5, 02

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got a case, and it looks exciting!

YEESH!!

HA! Beat that NEAR AND MELLO!! HA! I am packing for Japan today! I want out here as soon as possible! I want away from those idiots!

They are so boring! All they do is either argues with each other or bored the shit out me! That is why I like Matt, even though he can be a jackass too.

But who cares! I won't have to see their faces!!

Mello and Near just barged in my room fighting.

"L! GIVE ME A HUG!" Mello asked or well, yelling. "No FAIR!!" Near yells. "SHUT THE FUCK!! BOTH OF YOU!" I yell over them.

I ok I guess I will end this Diary entry for today because Mello and Near are pissing me off!!

L, is piss off, please leave a message after the beep *beep*


	4. Chapter 4: Near is goin' to pay!

Jan. 12, 09

Near is such an ass wipe! He keeps sending me hate websites of me!! OM FUCKIN' G!! When I get back he is going to pay.

Wait a sec. I can get paid though the internet!

TO THE INTERNET! *batman's theme song plays in the background*

10 min. later…

I yes Near is going to have a big surprise for him ^^)

Back in England…

"NEAR! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!!" yelled Rodger. "Bu-bu- but- it was in a email!"

(The email that L send was a porn site. And Near just got caught looking at it!)

Back to L's diary…

I wonder if he is getting a spanking or beating? =]

But back to the kira case… it is boring but at the same time exicting. Tomorrow, I am going to meet Light Yagami.

I wonder what's he like?

L, the coolest nerd you will ever meet!


	5. Chapter 5: Violanted and Stocker

Jan. 13, 09

Ok, I think Light is gay. I think this because at the meeting he tough MY LEG! Oh wait, he touches near "were the sun don't shine" area!! I feel so violent!

I think I am going to cry in the Emo corner and hopefully I'll better tomorrow.

L, feels so violated!

Jan. 15, 09

Ok, feel better after eating the whole buffet of sugar sweets! Ok, now I have made a list of suspects. These are the people I think are kira

Light Yagami

Light Yagami

Light Yagami

Light Yagami

Those people who I think it kira. (Note: the only reason L thinks Light is kira is because he violated him.) So now I will check them out and be all stalker on them =] (one of L's techniques.)

Maybe I can find something on them too. Anyways my show, NCIS, is coming on. I hope I can watch it in English since I'm in Japan.

L, the stocker ^^


	6. Chapter 6: Light blew up the toilet!

Jan. 25, 09

Huh. I have been too busy to write in this diary, all Lights fault! I'm now handcuffed to him. We are supposedly working together and he is innocent.

Yeah right!

Oh man, let me tell you something about Light. Never let him eat about 15 bean burritos because he will unleash an atomic bomb in the bathroom!

And I was handcuffed to him! Oh, man! I think I lost one of my nine lives because of the smell!

At least he's not as worse as Near. When Near goes to the bathroom you better run about 5 miles away!

Light is such an ass. I'm starting to think he is gay because he keeps doing gay stuff to me. There is nothing wrong with being gay but I think Light should lay off.

But all and all I will prove that Light Yagami is KIRA! (And maybe be gay.)

Oh and a nothing thing is, have you ever notice if you put Yagami in front of the mirror is look like: im-a-gay.

Doesn't that prove my point???

L, the amazing… the amazing… SOMETHING!


	7. Chapter 7: Light's darkest sercet

Jan. 31, 09

Found a kira but like I thought he is not kira.

Damn it!

I guess I will have to do something. But what? And I'm still pissed off the Light beat me in tennis! What the fuck is up with that! WHAT THE FLIPIN' DOUCHE! Light is such a douche bag, sometimes I think he should die in a hole!

But on the brighter side of news, I found out Lights most darkest secret ever! =)

He is a…


	8. Chapter 8: Light's Darkest serect reavel

Feb. 1, 09

Sorry about hanging you there but Light came in my room. He wanted to know if I want a message… I said no. But he saw me writing and tried to read my diary. :(

Therefore, I threaten to burn his dolls! HA! That'll teach you to mess with me! Anyways back to what I was saying about Light's darkest secret. :D

He is a Hannah Montana FAN! I have proof too!!

To here to a pic I found - .com/art/Light-likes-Hannah-Montana-79898947

But I had some pictures of him singing to the climb in his hello kitty underwear. Man! People tell me I'm weird!

Jeez, what's with u people!

Oh well, but anyway I think that's all got to tell until whenever!

L, is so going to bust kira's ass! XDDDDD


	9. Chapter 9: Light screams like a girl!

Feb. 5, 09

Light just got freed from being handcuff (more like me being freed from him!)

Lets just say that Light is a pussy. But hey! At least we closer to catching kira. =]

But I will be bored again, and I will be stuck with Near and those other bastards. Man, I don't ever want to go back! Near reminds me of Light. Maybe those to should go out… they are both bitches and ass hats. Therefore, they would be a perfect couple.

And another thing, Misa is dumber then Patrick off of SpongBob. Come on! Can't she tell that Light doesn't even care for her!

She has all looks but no brains. I bet you can hit a coconut to her head and it will be empty. I also know that she is working for Light. At least the thing Light can do for her is give some time in bed!

I swear, he is afraid of girls. When we were walking he scream when I girl would past!

L, is going to eat a cookie!


	10. Chapter 10: HELP ME!

Feb. 10, 09

Ok, Light is such a pansy; he won't leave me alone about High School Musical 3! Oh my fuckin' gosh!

How about he shut the fuck!! This is another reason why Light is kira and gay!! I have to think of a plan to escape from this movie. But how? . This so frustrating! I need some more sugar. :(

Zac Effon and Light make a good couple. XDDDDDDD I been bored but I am not going to some stupid tween movie about adults who are playing teenagers, singing in school during class and what the fuck they do!

I want to do something that like for once. Like for example playing tennis or watching scary movies. But no Light gets what he wants! When my show Physic was on he took the controller and changes it to Hannah Montana!

Maybe I can sneak out when he not looking! Or maybe I can get revenge when we are watching the movie, like give him pee instead of soda or put itching powder in his popcorn. I am defiantly going to turn his cell phone and call it!

L, revenge shall be mine!! XDDDDDD


	11. Chapter 11: She Wolf

Feb. 13, 09

Ok, today I am going to reveal my plan on how to figure out if these so called rules are real. Like if you stop writing names in the notebook then you will die in 13 days. That sounds pretty suspicious.

I am just waiting for everyone else to get here. While I wait, I shall go onto Cartoon network and play the best. . And for some odd reason, it's addicting! This is so fun beating people with a stick. :D

If only I can beat Light with a stick… that would be fun! But my song is on!

*SOS shes in disguise

SOS shes in disguise

Theres a she wolf in disguise

Coming out coming out coming out

A domesticated girl thats all you ask of me

Darling it is no joke this is lycanthropy

The moon's awake now with eyes wide open

My bodys craving so feed the hungr*

(Sharika: She Wolf

Oh crap the gang is coming in! Ok now is my moment to tell my plan!


	12. Chapter 12: Son of a BITCH! I'm dead!

Feb. 15, 09

SON OF A BITCH!!! I'M LOOKING AT MY OWN DEAD BODY!!! HOLY FISHSTICKS!!!!!!!!! OMFG! OMFG!!!OMFG!!OMFG!!!!!!!!OMFG!!OMFGOMFG!!!

Ok, *breathing heavily* ok, I'm fine now.

But still!! Damn it!

I have to focus! Oh crap, I have to count on the dumb ass to revenge my death. Damn Light and his stupid… stupid… whatever!

Ok this is out of character but sunflower oil is made out of sunflowers and peanut oil is made out of peanuts. So, what is baby oil made out of?

Ok, back on topic. I am dead. And I'm watching my own funereal happen, which is very weird and strange. And I'm thinking 'No, this isn't weird to watch your own funereal, no.'

I swear, my life keeps getting weirder and weirder. The worst thing out this being dead thing is I just was about to prove that Light was kira!

And again, SON OF BITCH!! Sorry children who reading but I don't give damn what you bastards think of me.

Another bad thing is now I can't watch Jeff Dunham, this sucks eggs!!

Oh, I wish I could have kicked Light's ass before I died. Then death wouldn't have been so bad.

L, is dead.


	13. Chapter 13: L is flippin's out

Feb. 16, 09

L's Diary from beyond the Grave.

Day 2 of being dead.

SON OF FLICKING BITCH!!! DGHDFHBKJLJDGSBGHBUSHTNSMDGNS;IRLGHJNSGNLIGHTTLEHUIWNBPOINL!!!!!!!THWJKTEHKDBNVKIFBISRFHK;ERKUHJETBHJRTHLK;JASA ;NBKJRNB!!!! COW NIPPLES!!! LIGHT CAN SUCK COW NIPPLES!!!!!!! *screams at Light's Dad and police force's faces* LIGHT IS FREAKIN GOD DAMN KIRA!!! GET THAT STRAIGHT IN YOUR LITTLE PIECES OF CRAP BRAINS!!!

CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I finally calm down, but how am I susposed to be calm? I'm dead for Tom Cruise's Sake!

Lets look on bright side there… OOH!! Look!! Strawberry CHEESECAKE!!! *Runs toward cake*

MOVE OUT OF THE FREAKIN' WAY!!!! L WANT SOME CAKE!!!!


	14. Chapter 14: Thriller!

Feb. 18, 09

L's Diary from beyond the Grave

Day 4

Mmmmmmmm… cake *drools* I but I see that no one is making a move to catch kira, wow.

But anyway being dead is not so bad. I get to eat all the cake I want and I get to stalk people! And they don't even know that I'm there!

*Back in the living*

"I feel that L is still with us." Matsuda said. Everyone looks at him strange. "Your crazy Matsuda…"

"Yeah."

"I swear that…" Matsuda starts to say.

*Back in the dead*

Yep being dead is an ok job. Hey look! Michael Jackson! Cool! I wonder if he'll sing thriller… I'm going to ask him!!!!!!! HEY MICHEAL JACKSON SING THAT SONG THRILLER!!!!

*L and Michael starts singing*

It's close to midnight

Something evil's lurkin'in the dark

Under the moonlight

You see a sight that almost stops your heart

You try to scream

But terror takes the sound before you make it

You start to freeze

As horror looks you right between the eyes

You're paralyzed

'Cause this is thriller

Thriller night

And no one's gonna save you

From the beast about to strike

You know it's thriller

Thriller night

You're fighting for your life

Inside a killer

Thriller tonight, yeah

*Picture L and Michael dancing to this*


	15. Chapter 15: Bye everyone!

Feb. 19, 09

Dear Diary,

A screw it! I'm gonna to listen to Taylor Swift!


End file.
